Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird
froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to
realize how warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow
dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

A turkey was chatting with a bull.
‘I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree’ sighed the
turkey, ‘but I haven’t got the energy.’
‘Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?’ replied the bull.
They’re packed with nutrients.’

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him
enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second
branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top
of the tree.

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, ‘Can I also sit like you
and do nothing?’
The eagle answered: ‘Sure, why not.’

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a
sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high
up.

Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to
lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, ‘I’ll give each of you just one wish.’
‘Me first! Me first!’ says the admin clerk. ‘I want to be in the
Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.’
Puff! She’s gone.

‘Me next! Me next!’ says the sales rep. ‘I want to be in Hawaii ,
relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of
Pina Coladas and the love of my life.’

Lesson 2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide
up her leg again.
The nun once again said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’

The priest apologized ‘Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.’
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily
and went on her way.

Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
shower, when the doorbell rings..
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, ‘I’ll give you $800 to drop that
towel.’

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked
in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves..

Katie Couric, Charlie Gibson, Brian Williams and a tough old U.S. Marine Sergeant were captured by terrorists in Iraq . The leader of the terrorists told them he’d grant each of them one last request before they were beheaded and dragged naked through the streets.

Katie Couric said, ’Well, I’m a Southerner, so I’d like one last plate of fried chicken.’

The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the
chicken. Couric ate it all and said, ‘Now I can die content.’

Another I received via e-mail:

**************
An early update regarding Christmas
in our nation’s capital for 2009.

I wanted to leak the story early
so everyone fully understands.
There will be no Nativity Scene in Washington D.C. this year!

The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity
Scene in the United States Capital this Christmas season.
This isn’t for any religious reason.
They simply have not been able to find
Three Wise Men in the Nation’s Capital…

A search for a Virgin continues…

Received the below in an e-mail today, thought it was hillarious.
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I am passing this on to you because it definitely works, and we could all use a little more calmness in our lives. By following a simple advice heard on the Oprah show, you too can find inner peace.

Dr Oz proclaimed, ‘The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started and have never finished.”