Received the below e-mail from my sister Emma today. Priceless.

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Subject: There is hope….
I recently asked my  friends’ little girl what she wanted to  be when she grows up. She said she wanted to  be President some day. Both of her parents,  liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I  asked her, If you were President what would be  the first thing you would do? She replied,  I’d give food and houses to all the homeless  people..

Her parents beamed with  pride.

Wow…what a worthy goal. I told her,  But you don’t have to wait until you’re  President to do that. You can come over to my  house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and sweep my  yard, and I’ll pay you $50.  Then I’ll take you over to the grocery store where the  homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the  $50 to use toward food and a new house.

She  thought that over for a few seconds, then she  looked  me straight in the eye and  asked,  Why doesn’t the homeless guy  come over and do the work, and you can just pay  him the $50?

I said, Welcome to the  Tea Party.

Her parents still aren’t speaking  to me.

IN GOD WE  TRUST

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Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird
froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to
realize how warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow
dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your
friend.
(3) And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep
your mouth shut!

A turkey was chatting with a bull.
‘I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree’ sighed the
turkey, ‘but I haven’t got the energy.’
‘Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?’ replied the bull.
They’re packed with nutrients.’

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him
enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second
branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top
of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, ‘Can I also sit like you
and do nothing?’
The eagle answered: ‘Sure, why not.’

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a
sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high
up.

Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to
lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, ‘I’ll give each of you just one wish.’
‘Me first! Me first!’ says the admin clerk. ‘I want to be in the
Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.’
Puff! She’s gone.

‘Me next! Me next!’ says the sales rep. ‘I want to be in Hawaii ,
relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of
Pina Coladas and the love of my life.’

Puff! He’s gone.

‘OK, you’re up,’ the Genie says to the manager..
The manager says, ‘I want those two back in the office after
lunch.’

Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.